“In a recent study, the United States was ranked the 114th happiest country in the world. Then Sarah Palin stepped down. Now we’re at 17.” –Conan O’Brien
“Since resigning as governor, many say Sarah Palin is now going to spend some time working on her memoirs. Alaskans are saying they can’t wait to start reading Palin’s memoirs and then quit halfway through.” –Conan O’Brien
“Senator John McCain says he’s been using Twitter to share his opinions on this year’s Major League Baseball All-Star Game. Apparently, no one has the heart to tell McCain that he’s been Twittering on his garage door opener.” –Conan O’Brien
“President Obama’s in Italy to attend the G-8 summit, and he praised the Italians for being our ‘great allies.’ He went on to say, ‘Except, of course, for any time we’ve ever been to war.’” –Conan O’Brien
“This is weird. It’s been reported that Saddam Hussein’s gun will be on display in George W. Bush’s presidential library. Apparently, the gun will be on display right next to the book.” –Conan O’Brien
“Anybody here from Minnesota? Congratulations, you have a brand new senator, our old friend, Al Franken. Al is an interesting guy. Went from being a comedian to politician. George Bush, the other way around.” –David Letterman
“A lot of entertainers are getting in to politics. For example, Tina Fey says she might run for governor from Alaska.” –David Letterman
“I want to say something here, and it’s kind of a sensitive area. There was a press conference, and Sarah Palin announced she is stepping down. Then the next day, there was footage of her fishing. I mean — say what you will — I thought she looked great, so great, Russia was watching her.” –David Letterman
“Palin, she’s stepping down. Then the next day, there was footage of her she went fishing. Is it just me, or is anybody else here having naughty thoughts about Sarah Palin in those waders? All right. I’m just apologize for that right now. … In fact, she looked so great, Russia was watching her.” –David Letterman
“Finally, the courts ruled that Al Franken defeated the incumbent, Norm Coleman. Here, we have a report right here. Al Franken being sworn in [on screen: footage of Franken swearing-in ceremony at the Capitol. An announcer says, “Al Franken is proud to have finally become Minnesota’s junior senator. However, due to the unrelenting media scrutiny, Senator Franken has decided to resign and go fishing in Alaska. Al Franken: Be There.” –David Letterman
“I know we got a lot of people here from out of town, and I hate to bring bad news to you, because I know it’s your vacation, a lot of people are here on vacation. And New York City, because of all the rain — it’s really nobody’s fault — we got a mosquito problem. So, the good news is the blood suckers are no longer just on Wall Street.” –David Letterman
“Anybody ever been in prison? Bernie Madoff, the nasty, awful swindler, he’s going to be there for 150 years. You know what he did? He hired a prison consultant. I think it’s Martha Stewart.” –David Letterman
“But good news for Madoff’s wife, Ruth. They returned her passport. She has her passport back. Earlier, she flew off to Argentina with Governor Sanford.” –David Letterman
“Kim Jong Il today made rare public appearance. Here’s what happened. He saw the shadow of his hair, went back in his hole.” –David Letterman
“But Kim Jong Il watchers saw King Jong Il, and they said he didn’t look good. They said, in fact, he was pale and haggard, and the headlines of the North Korean newspapers today read ‘Kim Jong Il Ill.’” –David Letterman
“North Korea has gone nuts. I don’t know what is going on over there. There was a huge computer attack. Was your computer okay? We had a big computer attack from — they don’t know what happened. They shut down the U.S. Treasury Department website. Man! I was stunned. I said, ‘Whoa! The U.S. still has a Treasury Department?’” –David Letterman
“President Obama is at one of the G-8 summits in Italy. Meanwhile, Senator John McCain, who ran for president against Obama, is in Arizona, heating up a can of Chef Boyardee.” –David Letterman
“This is what is on the agenda over there in Italy for the G-8 leaders. Financial crisis, global financial crisis. World poverty. Climate change. Giant transforming robots.” –David Letterman
“But the G-8 summit in Italy is being hosted by Silvio Berlusconi, the prime minister of Italy. And the meeting went pretty well. He was only interrupted once by his wife accusing him of adultery.” –David Letterman
David Letterman’s Top Ten Questions Bernie Madoff Asked Today In Prison
10. Has it been 150 years yet?
9. Who do I have to swindle to get a freshly-pressed jumpsuit?
8. Which way to the penthouse cell?
7. Because of my business dealings with the Latin Kings, can you keep me away from the Crips?
6. What mixes better in a toilet, sangria or daiquiris?
5. Will I get special treatment if I help the guards hide money from the IRS?
4. I’d like the truffle-crusted halibut.
3. Did I mention that it was an April Fools’ prank that just got out of control?
2. Will someone TiVo ‘America’s Got Talent’ for me for the next 149 years?
1. Is it ok if I decline a conjugal request from my wife?
“In a recent study, the United States was ranked the 114th happiest country in the world. Then Sarah Palin stepped down. Now we’re at 17.” –Conan O’Brien
“Since resigning as governor, many say Sarah Palin is now going to spend some time working on her memoirs. Alaskans are saying they can’t wait to start reading Palin’s memoirs and then quit halfway through.” –Conan O’Brien
“Senator John McCain says he’s been using Twitter to share his opinions on this year’s Major League Baseball All-Star Game. Apparently, no one has the heart to tell McCain that he’s been Twittering on his garage door opener.” –Conan O’Brien
“President Obama’s in Italy to attend the G-8 summit, and he praised the Italians for being our ‘great allies.’ He went on to say, ‘Except, of course, for any time we’ve ever been to war.’” –Conan O’Brien
“This is weird. It’s been reported that Saddam Hussein’s gun will be on display in George W. Bush’s presidential library. Apparently, the gun will be on display right next to the book.” –Conan O’Brien
“Anybody here from Minnesota? Congratulations, you have a brand new senator, our old friend, Al Franken. Al is an interesting guy. Went from being a comedian to politician. George Bush, the other way around.” –David Letterman
“A lot of entertainers are getting in to politics. For example, Tina Fey says she might run for governor from Alaska.” –David Letterman
“I want to say something here, and it’s kind of a sensitive area. There was a press conference, and Sarah Palin announced she is stepping down. Then the next day, there was footage of her fishing. I mean — say what you will — I thought she looked great, so great, Russia was watching her.” –David Letterman
“Palin, she’s stepping down. Then the next day, there was footage of her she went fishing. Is it just me, or is anybody else here having naughty thoughts about Sarah Palin in those waders? All right. I’m just apologize for that right now. … In fact, she looked so great, Russia was watching her.” –David Letterman
“Finally, the courts ruled that Al Franken defeated the incumbent, Norm Coleman. Here, we have a report right here. Al Franken being sworn in [on screen: footage of Franken swearing-in ceremony at the Capitol. An announcer says, “Al Franken is proud to have finally become Minnesota’s junior senator. However, due to the unrelenting media scrutiny, Senator Franken has decided to resign and go fishing in Alaska. Al Franken: Be There.” –David Letterman
“I know we got a lot of people here from out of town, and I hate to bring bad news to you, because I know it’s your vacation, a lot of people are here on vacation. And New York City, because of all the rain — it’s really nobody’s fault — we got a mosquito problem. So, the good news is the blood suckers are no longer just on Wall Street.” –David Letterman
“Anybody ever been in prison? Bernie Madoff, the nasty, awful swindler, he’s going to be there for 150 years. You know what he did? He hired a prison consultant. I think it’s Martha Stewart.” –David Letterman
“But good news for Madoff’s wife, Ruth. They returned her passport. She has her passport back. Earlier, she flew off to Argentina with Governor Sanford.” –David Letterman
“Kim Jong Il today made rare public appearance. Here’s what happened. He saw the shadow of his hair, went back in his hole.” –David Letterman
“But Kim Jong Il watchers saw King Jong Il, and they said he didn’t look good. They said, in fact, he was pale and haggard, and the headlines of the North Korean newspapers today read ‘Kim Jong Il Ill.’” –David Letterman
“North Korea has gone nuts. I don’t know what is going on over there. There was a huge computer attack. Was your computer okay? We had a big computer attack from — they don’t know what happened. They shut down the U.S. Treasury Department website. Man! I was stunned. I said, ‘Whoa! The U.S. still has a Treasury Department?’” –David Letterman
“President Obama is at one of the G-8 summits in Italy. Meanwhile, Senator John McCain, who ran for president against Obama, is in Arizona, heating up a can of Chef Boyardee.” –David Letterman
“This is what is on the agenda over there in Italy for the G-8 leaders. Financial crisis, global financial crisis. World poverty. Climate change. Giant transforming robots.” –David Letterman
“But the G-8 summit in Italy is being hosted by Silvio Berlusconi, the prime minister of Italy. And the meeting went pretty well. He was only interrupted once by his wife accusing him of adultery.” –David Letterman
David Letterman’s Top Ten Questions Bernie Madoff Asked Today In Prison
10. Has it been 150 years yet?
9. Who do I have to swindle to get a freshly-pressed jumpsuit?
8. Which way to the penthouse cell?
7. Because of my business dealings with the Latin Kings, can you keep me away from the Crips?
6. What mixes better in a toilet, sangria or daiquiris?
5. Will I get special treatment if I help the guards hide money from the IRS?
4. I’d like the truffle-crusted halibut.
3. Did I mention that it was an April Fools’ prank that just got out of control?
2. Will someone TiVo ‘America’s Got Talent’ for me for the next 149 years?
1. Is it ok if I decline a conjugal request from my wife?
Mark Fiore
Hey it’s Sarah Palins pickup on EBay!
One of them foreign jobs tho.
Ok, ok…I’ll reveal myself. It’s my birthday today!
Thanks for the birthday greetings, Micki and Den!
It’s here!
When I’m 64
When I get older losing my hair,
Many years from now.
Will you still be sending me a Valentine
Birthday greetings bottle of wine.
If I’d been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door.
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I’m sixty-four.
You’ll be older too,
And if you say the word,
I could stay with you.
I could be handy, mending a fuse
When your lights have gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside
Sunday morning go for a ride.
Doing the garden, digging the weeds,
Who could ask for more.
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I’m sixty-four.
Every summer we can rent a cottage,
In the Isle of Wight, if it’s not too dear
We shall scrimp and save
Grandchildren on your knee
Vera Chuck & Dave
Send me a postcard, drop me a line,
Stating point of view
Indicate precisely what you mean to say
Yours sincerely, wasting away
Give me your answer, fill in a form
Mine for evermore.
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I’m sixty-four.
We all get old if we live long enough.
Going to go look for the sub-sparrow-sized birds feeding nestling(s) in another nest under my eves.
Alos saw the quail with her 3 chicks this am. Sure cute.
Birthday Rules
1. obey the 12:01 Rule.
2. At exactly 12:01 in the morning the day of your birthday you are officially ‘off line’.
3. Immediately commence to doing whatever suits your fancy, go see the circus, flip a clown the bird.
4. All meals must be provided by others.
5. There better be cake! (not too many candles)
6. One should indulge whenever possible, preferably at all times.
7. That includes beer before noon if desired.
8. Or wine if you prefer.
9. I like beer.
10. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!